"Non-Punishable" Q & A's
As we worked on producing "Who's Who of INANE in 2006", we had a number of priceless exchanges between the editors and us. After politely responding to each inquiry, we began to jot down what we wished we could have said. At first, we decided to keep these responses to ourselves, just to keep our sense of humor alive and well at SLACK Incorporated. Then, we decided that this approach was selfish, and instead selected some of the ones yielding more than a smile. So here is a selected array of Q & As, which produced healthy chuckles!!
Q: What do you mean by "current position"?
A: Are you sitting, standing or lying down?
Q: I added my credentials to the chart. Do you want anything else?
A: Read the instructions.
Q: What do I do with "honorary"?
A: Rest on your laurels — but be careful, because the leaves are prickly.
Q: How do I know how long I've belonged to INANE?
A: How long do you feel like you've belonged?
Q: Why am I not on the INANE listserv?
A: Beats me!
Q: Why is my co-editor on the INANE list but not me?
A: Beats me!
Q: Why are you doing this (book)?
A: I'm avoiding a deadline.
Q: Do I have to pay for this book?
A: How much are you offering?
Q: Can I put down a Professor rank to which I will be promoted soon?
A: How soon is soon?
Q: Can I send this ASAP?
A: How long is ASAP?
Q: What do you mean by "drop dead" deadlines?
A: When you find that your life support has been removed.
Q: What do you consider an "unusual" credential?
A: QXRZYFA
Q: How funny should "amusing" be?
A: More than a slight grin.
Q: How will I know that what's funny to me is funny to someone else?
A: When you hear them laughing.
Q: Do you think it is wise to let my publisher know what I think is the "worst"?
A: That's probably best.
Q: How many copies of the book can I order?
A: How many friends and relatives do you have?
Q: I don't have time to do this editor profile, etc.. right now. When is the next book?
A: When will you have time?
Q: In what sense do you mean "relax"?
A: Non-sense!
Q: How many positions can I list?
A: How many paychecks do you collect?
Q: How will this end?
A: At the beginning.